about me
Indecisive. For as long as I can remember I've always been challenged with making decisions - any decision. From buying a pair of shoes, to what major to declare, what job to take, or simply how to spend my day. You get the picture. Inevitably I'd wait so long to make a decision the decision would be made for me. I kind of hate that saying, "not deciding is in fact a decision".
My indecisiveness stemmed from wanting to be liked and a fear of rejection and abandonment. The problem was that I cared so much about being accepted, I made decisions from that lens and ultimately lost touch with my authentic self in the process. So much so that I became paralyzed with fear when it came to making those big life changing decisions. Like marriage.
That saying, "you'll know when you know" is true in my experience. At least for the big decisions. Only it didn't show up in the way I expected. I knew when I was proposed to that I didn't want to get married, but I said yes anyway. I was terrified of abandonment and said yes out of fear and wanting to be loved and accepted.
It's fascinating how our bodies react to the point of shutting down when we're not following our truth even when we think we are. How conditioned we become to not rocking the boat or hurting someone else's feelings - not examining where we are and taking a hard look at ourselves and our lives to see where we are out of alignment.
Ultimately I decided I was in love and got married only to be divorced years later. Along the way I experienced anxiety, depression, a major health diagnosis, relationship highs and lows, two wonderful children and my own spiritual awakening. I am very grateful for my marriage and the many things I learned and continue to learn from that experience. Including the recognition that I completely abandoned myself in many ways throughout my life.
This abandonment of self has come at a high cost. I realized that I was unable to trust myself. Not knowing what decision to make in any given situation based on that lack of trust.
Now I am in search of my authentic self. Who I truly am, what I like, what I don't like without all the layers of culture, family, society, or the expectations of others - getting to the heart of who I am at my core. This has required a lot of deprograming and hard choices. I don't always get it right, but they're my choices and I continue to learn about my authentic self everyday.
This is why I love working with women. Because of my own experiences, challenges and fears. Women who are dealing with similar challenges of not knowing themselves and would like support as they heal and move out of the haze and find themselves - their true authentic selves.
MORE about me
- Bachelor's Degree in Dance
- +25 years in Human Resources
- Early years grew up as an Army brat
- Drove 3-months cross country solo (before cell phones - fun!)
- Mom of two fabulous, life teaching kids
- Usui Reiki Master
- Certified Integrative Reflexologist
- Access Bars Practioner
- doTERRA Wellness Advocate
